Tim Tebow Wants Me To Hate Him

Tim Tebow is having his memoir come out called "Through My Eyes". I hated Tebow in college, then I kinda liked him because he got so much shit before being drafted that I thought I'd be cool if he actually made it. Ten he did a stupid Super Bowl commercial, and now this...

"And throughout Through My Eyes, Tebow's book now in stores, is the bone-deep religious side of the evangelical young player who writes Bible verses beneath the play codes on his wristbands, just as he once inscribed them in his eye black for his college games.

The book, written with co-author Nathan Whitaker, starts each chapter with a Bible verse and is laced with as much with "glory to God" as it is with pages of grit-and-grunt details of Tebow's trademark punishing workouts. He trains relentlessly, determined to confound everyone who has questioned whether he can make it as a quarterback in the NFL (USA Today)."

First off how the hell do you right a memoir when you haven't done shit in the NFL. If it was just about his college days then fine, but that should still be done after your career is over. Tebow isn't even the starting QB on a very average football team.

Then there is all this God stuff. I don't mind that people are religious, but when you throw it in everyone face it drives me crazy. It's basically like anything else, I don't mind vegetarians, but if you preach to me about how I should feel sorry for animals then I hate you. I don't mind conservatives, but if you preach to me about how I'm wrong and everything sucks unless your Republican, then I hate (looking at you Mr. Callahan). Well the same goes for this God stuff, and I'm sick of it. I get Mr. Tebow you love Jesus. Sweet, now go learn how to throw a spiral and shut the fuck up.

NFL Picks Week Twelve: In Which I Eat Turkey

Last year I discovered something magical, which is that I absolutely, positively, completely, entirely, 100 % hate when the Giants play on Thanksgiving. Now, I love watching the Giants play, so why would I not want to combine that with what is, easily, my absolutely favorite holiday?

Well, last year, I learned the reason was pretty simple.

The Giants played in the final matchup of the NFL's annual Turkey Day triple-header with a visit to Denver against the Broncos. What resulted is that Big Blue, in the midst of the playoff race, laid an absolutely massive egg at Invesco Field, accelerating the downfall of a once promising season that started 5-0 and ended 8-8.

And perhaps worst of all: it ruined my fucking day.

Thanksgiving, you see, for me is an amazing 24 hours. You have very few requirements for Thanksgiving and they're almost all related to sitting on a couch, eating and watching football. What the hell else could be better? Now, I will admit, of the various types of meat or fowl available, turkey is hardly my favorite. Unless it's cooked by someone exceptionally talented, there is a tendency for the bird to wind up dry and unsatisfying, but fortunately, there are newer, more exciting remedies for that if the usual pooling of gravy doesn't do the job.

But by and large the combination of food, family, friends and football all seem to add up to the absolute greatest holiday an American can experience, and I generally love every minute of it. Last year, however, Big Blue's embarrassing display took my favorite day of the year and soured it to almost absurd lengths. No food, family, friend or other football game could have made that fun. And so this season, when the schedule came out and I saw that the Giants were nowhere to be found on the third Thursday of November I was as relieved as can be.


Patriots-Lions, Saints-Cowboys, Bengals-Jets. Several exciting teams, no particular allegiances other than "anyone who plays the Cowboys" and nine hours of pure food and enjoyment. And maybe a distraction from the Giants frustration "Slide rule" loss.

On with the picks.

Last week: 11-4-1
Season: 79-72-9

New England (-7) over DETROIT
New Orleans (-4) over DALLAS
NY JETS (-9) over Cincinnati
NY GIANTS (-8) over Jacksonville
Green Bay (+2) over ATLANTA
Pittsburgh (-7) over BUFFALO
CLEVELAND (even) over Carolina
Minnesota (+2) over WASHINGTON
HOUSTON (even) over Tennessee
OAKLAND (even) over Miami
Kansas City (+1) over SEATTLE
CHICAGO (+4) over Philadelphia
St. Louis (+4) over DENVER
BALTIMORE (-8) over Tampa Bay
INDIANAPOLIS (-3) over San Diego
San Francisco (+1) over ARIZONA

That's all for this week. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Reason No. 841 That The NFL Is Superior to College Football

Don't get me wrong. I love college football. Seriously -- I can't get enough of it. As a child growing up I was somewhat ambivalent towards what I considered an inferior brand of gridiron, though I did fancy myself a Florida State fan after watching the 'Noles take a National Championship by topping Nebraska in the 1994 Orange Bowl. But it wasn't until I went to Northwestern and was fully immersed in the weekly craziness of the Big Ten that I truly fell for college football as an institution.

However, the NFL, beyond it's generally superior level of play and far more rational means of determining a champion, would never allow what you see to the right to happen.

I'm no big fashion enthusiast, but a good friend of mine once explained that sometimes you have to push the limits of acceptable fashion so that more subtly progressive advances in style seem less dramatic and thus more acceptable to mainstream society. But they never dreamed up the horrific duds Nike forced the Broncos and Hokies to trot out last night in what was otherwise a phenomenal game with wide-ranging National Championship implications. The only thing more disturbing than these uniforms simply existing is that it's almost impossible to pinpoint what, exactly, is the worst aspect of them.

Do we start with the random dark gray patches on Boise State's jerseys that were inexplicably placed in the worst possible location for an overweight offensive lineman? Why not bring up the peculiar circuit-board designs that made Virginia Tech's jersey numbers look like costumes from the movie Tron? Should I opine on the bizarre grayscaled Boise State logo that appears on only one sleeve and one hip? Or the fact that only one of the sleeves on the Boise State jersey is blue? Or the awkward "B" on the left knee of the Boise State pants?

Compared to all of that, Virginia Tech's shoulder-striping pattern looks downright normal, and I thought I had seen the worst of it with TCU's ridiculously busy outfits this weekend.

The most progressive change in NFL uniforms at any point in the last 20 years or so has been the dramatic changes wrought by the Denver Broncos in 1998. From the typical orange jerseys and blue helmets that they had worn for decades, the Broncos stoked a huge amount of aesthetic debate when they debuted their current dark blue unis and helmets. The dramatic change here came in the orange stripe emanating from the collar, which completely broke the mold of traditional NFL fashion sense.

Of course, it did pay off immediate dividends. Arguably.

Those changes are now considered relatively acceptable, and they're completely tame compared to what Nike is now trotting out for specialty nationally televised games these days -- though it should be noted that Denver's newest version of the logo is, uh, questionable at best. One can only hope that Boise State and Virginia Tech, after putting on a tremendous show last night, opt to keep those jerseys in the closet -- even if Boise State's helmets were kind of cool. At least Northwestern's new uniforms are subtle and tasteful so I don't have to be ashamed as an alum.

Northwestern which is 1-0 on the season, I might add.

In any event, I bring all this up because this is where my mind rambles to when it's that first glorious week of college football, you spend Saturday consuming every moment you can and then prepare for the traditional follow up of the pro game on Sunday -- and there isn't one.

Curse this first, teasing week of college football.

Fortunately, I only have to wait five more days to watch my New York Giants -- in person -- as they open up their new home against the Carolina Panthers to start the NFL season, thus bringing the best time of the year -- fall weekends -- into full swing.

And I can assure you they'll be wearing uniforms far more palatable than what we saw last night.