1995 NFL Mail Bag: The Seattle Seahawks

Football nerds like myself might have taken large note yesterday with the news that Seahawks left tackle Walter Jones announced his retirement after 13 seasons. The left tackle is one of the more unsung positions on the field, or at least it was until the widespread release of The Blind Side last year, but the Seahawks, upon the announcement that Jones was retiring, were quick to regard him as one of the greatest of all time. And given some obscure but no less valid statistics, they probably have a point.

After all, the man was called for holding nine times. In his entire 13-year career.

That's just plain nutty. Almost as nutty is the fact that, according to ESPN's Adam Schefter, the Seahawks have already retired Jones' No. 71, rather than simply waiting for the season opener or a nationally televised showcase at some point this year. Then again, considering that former Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren called Jones the greatest offensive player he ever coached -- and Holmgren coached Joe Montana, Steve Young, Brett Favre and possibly the greatest player of all time, Jerry Rice -- perhaps this type of thing is warranted.

The Seahawks wasted little time in Jonesing up their website, with direct links to both Washington governor Christine Gregoire's declaration of Walter Jones Day, and, my favorite part, a video of Walter Jones highlights. The highlights are my favorite part for the simple reason that I couldn't fathom how one can edit together a highlight reel for a left tackle that lasts three minutes and 22 seconds. And yet, somehow the Seahawks did it.

Given the retirement of, arguably, the greatest player in the franchise's history, today seems as good a day as any to open up the ol' mail bag and see what the Seattle Seahawks deemed appropriate to send my way back in 1995.

The package itself is a fairly nondescript envelope with a return address from Kirkland, Washington, which I found somewhat peculiar since it wasn't in... "Seattle". But It's hardly unusual for teams to hold main offices outside their actual home cities these days, so I ought not to get too worked up. What I did find somewhat unusual however, is that most teams will include some sort of description of their team's history, an informational magazine, a media guide or a yearbook.

Or at the very least a letter thanking me for my interest.

But the Seahawks, apparently, had no interest in those frills in 1995. Perhaps that's because they didn't have much of a history to boast about at the time. Seattle was seven years removed from its last playoff appearance and wouldn't get its next one for four more years. At the time the Seahawks had yet to appear in a Super Bowl, and their uniforms were still in that somewhat garish, blue, green and silver phase.

So as a result, I received no letters or historic recounts, but I did receive two very nice posters, one of which I was particularly excited about being legitimately autographed until that preconception was dashed this very morning. But more on that later. The first poster was a bold and proud declaration of the Seahawks as "The Defense of the 90's", which featured the always enormous Cortez Kennedy tackling some poor defenseless running back from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

This poster is awesome in kitschy fashion for a few reasons. For one, and most obviously, those uniforms sported by the tangerine bedecked Bucs are fucking great. So bad, they're good in retrospect, which is probably why the Buccaneers chose to break them out again this year for a few games in lieu of their regular tasteful duds. Another thing that catches my eye is the proud title of "The Defense of the 90's", which, for a few reasons, seems like a bit of wishful thinking.

For one thing, this poster was produced during the 1994 season, which you can note from the NFL 75th anniversary patch sported on the jerseys of both teams. It was worn all season by every team in the League. At that point, the Seahawks were in the midst of quite the playoff drought. In fact, they were 23rd in the League in total defense that season according to NFL.com's statistics. The next season the Seahawks would drop to 25th. During the course of the 1990s, Seattle finished in the top ten four times and never higher than eighth. And while Kennedy, an eight-time pro bowler, is certainly one of the great defensive tackles of his era, the only other player of note on that defense, according to the poster itself, is Sam Adams, who was a rookie at the time, and while Adams would have a solid career, his best years came with the dominating defenses of the Baltimore Ravens in the early 2000s, with whom Adams would win Super Bowl XXXV.

So yes, "Defense of the 90's" might have been a bit of a stretch, though that goofy font is fun.

The other poster I received was an autographed shot of running back Chris Warren from Seattle's win over the Houston Oilers on December 11, 1994. Aside from knowing that I could win a free autographed football from Schuck's Auto Supply and KIRO 710 AM, I always thought this poster was awesome because from the day I got it I could have sworn it was actually autographed and not just printed on. I came to this conclusion, because, as best I could tell, the autograph itself appeared to reflect light in a way that was different from the rest of the poster, meaning it must be ink and not gloss.

Of course, this morning, my weekend house guest, Jessica Guerrero took a look at the poster as I was explaining to her my glee as if I were still nine years old, and she came to the conclusion that the autograph was actually printed like the rest of the poster. By her logic, there were no signs the poster had absorbed any ink nor any flawed inconsistencies that one would find in handwriting.

This was a disappointing revelation, as I had lived the last 15 years under the assumption that the Seahawks were one of the few teams to send me something of any real, appreciative value. Sure, Chris Warren is no Hall of Famer, but with three consecutive Pro Bowl appearances in the mid 1990s and 7,696 rushing yards to his credit, he is one of the more underrated backs of his time.

But alas, my possessing his real John Hancock was not meant to be. Somehow I will manage to strive on. It's nice outside, and it is Friday. Perhaps that will help. We can only hope.

In the meantime, I will simply just take solace in knowing that the Seahawks, despite their "Defense of the 90's", managed to go on to bigger and better things.

Happy Friday, everyone.

1995 NFL Mail Bag: The Houston Oilers

I'm sure most of you are bleary-eyed after staying up last night to watch Mikael Samuelsson's overtime winner in Game 1 of the Canucks-Kings series. Surely, the Stanley Cup Playoffs has you all rapt at attention. But if I can manage to bring back your attention and wake you up a hair, I just might do it with my latest 1995 NFL Mail Bag installment, and frankly, it's been too long.

This week, I recall the curious case of the Houston Oilers, who sent me no letter, no order form and no offer to join their kids club. The Oilers only sent me a copy of their 1994 NFL Yearbook, without any explanation.

What follows in the yearbook, which has a picture of the immortal Ray Childress on the cover, is an interesting journey through memories that trend the bizarre, the comical and perhaps most of all, the disappointing. I say disappointing, and I specifically note that Childress is on the cover, because Childress is a native of the state of Tennessee, and if you glance in today's NFL standings, you'll notice the Houston Oilers are nowhere to be found.

Two short years after I got my mail from the Oilers, owner Bud Adams pulled up stakes and took his franchise to the Volunteer State, where they now play as the Tennessee Titans. Yes, I know, over the course of sports history, teams move for one reason or another, but it's somewhat distressing to see a team with history as rich, and a place so important as the Oilers leave town.

The Houston Oilers literally changed American professional football in 1960. With the NFL being a tight group unwilling to accept overtures from business men across the country who wished to enter an expansion franchise into the league, Adams and late Kansas City Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt banded together with six other men, who would come to be known as "The Foolish Club", to create a rival known as the American Football League. While the AFL experienced some hiccups in the early going, and was considered a second tier operation in comparison to the NFL, success soon came that would dramatically alter the game.

A decade later, the NFL had absorbed the new group, nearly doubling its size and laying the foundation for the AFC and NFC Conference structure we have today. While Adams and Hunt are generally considered the founders of the AFL, the Oilers hold an even more noteworthy spot in that they won the first AFL Championship in 1960. It's somewhat maudlin to see such an important franchise leave its historic home, though one might argue the franchise reached new heights in Nashville, when the Titans nearly won Super Bowl XXXIV, but flipping through the pages still manages to give me some laughs.

For one, the very first thing you see is an advertisement for Sony's Surround Sound television system. Normally I wouldn't think twice about this, but I thought it was extremely peculiar that in 1994, they didn't have flat screen TVs. Think about it. When was the last time you saw an ad for a tube television?

But quirky old ads aside, the most amusing thing in these old publications to me is always the stories that, with some hindsight, we can tell didn't quite pan out. In the case of the 1994 Oilers, the sad case of Cody Carlson seems to take the cake.

Carlson had spent the first seven years of his career backing up the legendary Warren Moon in Houston, but with Moon dealt to the Minnesota Vikings in the offseason, the article boasted that it was finally Carlson's time to lead the Oilers into their next period of glory. Of course, Carlson's Wikipedia page also notes that he's "best known for curling into a fetal position whenever he was hit hard," so you can probably see how this wound up. Carlson would be injured early in the season, and miss the remainder of the year. As an interesting coda, he retired after the team let him go following a coaching change.

That coaching change, however, is where things get interesting, as the Oilers promoted first-year defensive coordinator Jeff Fisher to head coach. This is interesting because 16 years later, Fisher is still in charge for the now Tennessee Titans, and he has arguably the strongest job security of any coach in the league after leading the Titans to multiple playoff appearances and an AFC Championship. It is also worth noting that of all the people in this yearbook, he's the only one who doesn't appear to have aged significantly. Sure a few years have been tacked on, but he certainly has fared better than most of the other big names in the front office.

In fact, Fisher may not only have aged the best, but he's also managed to keep his reputation fairly clean, unlike the rest of them. Adams certainly looks to have had a few run-ins with Father Time, but that hasn't prevented him from showing the spunk of a teenager recently. Still, a middle finger is probably less damaging than Kevin Gilbride, who might be most well known for getting into a fistfight on the sidelines with previous Oilers defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan.

Of course, both of them are eons ahead of blogosphere whipping boy Sean Salisbury, who had recently arrived in Houston in 1994 via Minnesota. Aside from being a bombastic and irritating TV personality, Salisbury came under scrutiny three years ago for supposedly showing off pictures of his penis on a cell phone while employed at ESPN -- a charge he recently admitted to. Why couldn't he have just been proud of how awesome his hair looks coming out the back of his helmet?

Other interesting things of note in these pages include the page of Hall of Fame lineman Bruce Matthews, who is referred as "the best offensive lineman in professional football", a charge I might have argued at the time, and the forgotten old-timey cheerleading troupe of the Lone Star State: the Derrick Dolls. The Derrick Dolls seem to have been lost to posterity in the franchise's move to Tennessee, particularly since I imagine they always played second fiddle to the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, but there is something about them that seems a bit more wholesome and not quite so overtly sexual and tawdry.

Or maybe that's just my hatred of the Cowboys shining through. But what can I say? I never claimed to be objective.

Also, and this must not be understated, throughout the magazine you get page after page of the old Houston Oilers Derrick logo. It was awesome then, and it was awesome this year when the Titans wore Oilers throwbacks for the AFL's 50th anniversay.

Speaking of uniforms, a bizarre moment in NFL fashion that will interest only me can be found in these pages. When the NFL celebrated its 75th anniversary in 1994, the League required each team to play in throwback uniforms at some point in the season, which led to some entirely awesome duds being strutted around. Interestingly, however, the NFL allowed you to alter your uniforms if you so wish, and the New York Jets apparently decided that their white helmets from Super Bowl III were no longer good anymore. The solution? Let's make them green! For two games! This is particularly odd since the team went with its old white helmets full time just four years later. The Jets were wearing green helmets at the time, but these peculiar buckets made their appearance once and once only, but you can find them in an advertisement in the Oilers yearbook.

Lastly, the joy ends when you get to the final pages of the yearbook. And that's because you are treated with an excited presentation for the stadium that will replace the aging Astrodome and keep the Oilers in Houston. The final page is title "21st Century Sports Facility Proposed by Oilers" and notes that it will be a first class building with a low roof that would save energy savings and create an intimate and exciting atmosphere. While baseball's Astros were not in the mix, the building expected an annual attendance of 3.5 million fans for NFL games, NBA games, concerts, college basketball and football and, and I find this the most interesting part, "44 NHL games". Apparently, the expectation was that Houston would be involved in the wave of 1990s NHL expansion, which, in hindsight seems like a potential disaster, despite the success of the Dallas Stars, but a quick google search shows that some are still looking to bring ice to one of the hottest cities in America.

Regardless the final page of the yearbook is a dour coda to an otherwise amusing trip to the past. Yes, the Oilers later got the expansion Texans, who look to have a bright future ahead of them, but something is classic about the derrick on the side of the helmet. You get the feeling that this team should never have moved. And more than anything else, reading through this simply made me wonder what could have been. In the meantime, I'll just have to be satisfied that my letter writing campaign left me with a little piece of football's past.

An Apology And A Dave Sighting

I'm sure the 10 of you out there that check this on some sort of vague basis are probably very upset that I'm not going to have my weekly 1995 NFL Mail Bag up today, but unfortunately, a change in day-long plans, which start pretty early on my watch, are forcing me to postpone it for a week.

I hope you can manage.

In the meantime, some of you who took a gander at NHL.com yesterday might have come across this gem of a story about Nashville Predators coach Barry Trotz. Yeah, that's right. I got my first byline on a non-preview story, which kind of makes me feel like a real sportswriter for the first time since college. Maybe, just maybe my friends out there will take a read and realize that hockey is, you know, awesome.

And speaking of hockey, a friend of mine pointed me to this article yesterday, which notes that March of this year was the first month to not see a murder in the city of Newark, New Jersey since 1944. That's 66 years, which is quite a stretch. Clearly, Shaun Rodgers wasn't going all Rae Carruth at EWR like he could have, though that doesn't excuse him from the fact that bringing a loaded gun into an airport in your carry-on luggage is outrageously stupid.

What does this have to do with hockey? Well, there's never been a safer time to go see the New Jersey Devils at Prudential Center in downtown Newark. And as I've had my share of not feeling safe in Newark, if now is the time, I'm certainly taking advantage tomorrow by attending the New Jersey Devils-Chicago Blackhawks game. As a life long Devils fan and a one-time intern for the Hawks, it should be a pretty special night.

Also, my seats are fucking awesome.

If you happen to be there, don't be afraid to come find me. Until then stay tuned for this weekend. I'm sure the Final Four and MLB Opening Day will provide no shortage of fodder for me to ramble on.

Happy Friday everyone.

1995 NFL Mail Bag: The Detroit Lions

Looking back on it, it's hard for us to remember that there once was a time that the Detroit Lions weren't completely god awful. That time was the 1990s, when Wayne Fontes led something of a renaissance for football in Motown despite everyone thinking he looked like that creepy Italian Restauranteur who was actually selling spaghetti bolognese as a front for the mob.

In fact, however, Fontes was just a football coach, and from the looks of it not too shabby of one either. The Lions would win two NFC Central titles and make the playoffs four times under Fontes, as well as securing two more postseason berths before the decade was out. That's six if you're counting, which means in the 1990s, if you look up postseason participants in a given year the Lions are more likely to be among them than not.

Yeah, this is the same team that went 0-16 two years ago.

I bring this up because it was during this peculiar Barry Sanders-driven renaissance that I sent a letter to the Lions and received a response, according to the postmark, on March 21, 1995. Fontes was still in charge, Barry Sanders was a six-time Pro Bowler and GM was still solvent and financially independent. It was a good time for the Motor City.

It was so good that you'd think the Honolulu Blue and Silver could have sent me more than three pieces of paper and a poster, but all in all, considering what other teams sent me this was actually a pretty decent take. It's one of my favorites actually and I'll give you the two reasons why.

For starters, like every team the Lions sent me the requisite "thanks for writing letter" and I'm always intrigued by what the letterhead will look like. Not only is the letterhead for the Lions in color, but you'll notice the awesome graphic in the upper left corner. Yeah, that's the Lions logo from 1961-69. I totally dig it, and I love that they still use it. Either that or they have an absurdly large amount of leftover stationary from the 1960s.

Among other goodies included was a single sheet of paper detailing the history of the Detroit Lions, which apparently could be summed up in about 600 words. I've noticed that quite a few teams, and I think all of the ones in the NFC North have included something like this, a clear sign that they hadn't updated most of their distributed press materials for modern technology yet -- though my memory on 1995 is spacey; photocopiers may have been the height of modernization for all I know.

The paper ends with Detroit's loss in the 1991 NFC Championship Game against the eventual Super Bowl Champion Redskins, and yes, it is still hard to imagine the Lions in a Conference Championship Game, but looking back on it and knowing that three seasons passed between that "history" of the Lions being written and me receiving the mail, I find it hard to believe they felt they could ignore the two playoff berths and the divisional title they won in that period.

Something tells me they cling to those a little more strongly now.

Like every team, mail is a golden opportunity to make money and the Lions certainly weren't too good to beg for your change. To wit, they included a list of players I could purchase 8x10 black and white glossy photos of if I so chose. Some names are memorable and make sense: Sanders, Chris Spielman, Herman Moore, hell even Brett Perriman seems a reasonable purchase choice. But I found it odd that other selections you could buy (for just $5!) included Dave Krieg, a journeyman quarterback whose actually fairly impressive career accomplishments are overshadowed by the fact that he fumbled more than anyone else in NFL history at the time he retired. Given that other names among the top five in NFL fumbles are Warren Moon, Brett Favre and John Elway, maybe its not such bad company to keep.

Most peculiar on this list of potential player purchases to me, however, was Lomas Brown, whom I most vividly remember for saying the words, "I'm so proud to be a New York Giant" following Big Blue's win in the 2000 NFC Championship Game when he was on New York's offensive line. This prompted two questions from me, namely A) Lomas Brown was on the Lions? and B) Who on Earth would want a glossy photo print of Lomas Brown?

I could also purchase a glossy photo of starting quarterback Scott Mitchell, but why would I want to do that when the Lions already gave me this totally fucking sweet poster of him? This is the second reason I love the package the Lions sent me and it might be my favorite item that I've received from any team. Period.

Why?

It is a hilariously awful and kitschy product that represents the essence of 1990s football marketing. Much along the lines of the ad Bill Parcells did for Apex in my Patriots mail, this poster of Mitchell, who was both a perfectly good and yet eminently forgettable player echoes to a bygone era when Starter actually produced paraphernalia for NFL teams. And it was available at J.C. Penny. Not only is the sideline merchandise he's modeling in the lower left corner a heartwarming reminder of watching football as a child but perhaps most importantly, look at that hair.

Seriously, look at how awesome that is.

Lastly, and this is one of the most amazing parts of the poster, while playing an NFL Game, it really looks like he's wearing, yup, you guessed it, Reebok Pumps. Come on, you remember Pumps, right?

What this package contained was not only a decent amount of swag but about three dozen cheerful reminders of watching football in my childhood. Aside from a few laughs, a walk down football memory lane is really about the best I can hope for while sifting through these.

In the case of the Lions, even if they can no longer do it on the field, at least in my heart this was an unmitigated success. Reading through all of it was just the right thing to cheer me up after I realized that I slept through all of Geelong's season opening win over Essendon this morning. Don't worry, ESPN360.com lets you watch replays of it. I speculate that I slept through it because I was just too exhausted by last night's phenomenal Kansas State-Xavier Sweet Sixteen game.

And so, because of this, I thank the Lions for getting my day started properly. If this didn't excite you, dear reader, perhaps learning about tonight's Sabres-Senators match will, though I'm skeptical.

If neither of those do the trick, well, I'm sure you'll all find some way to survive. It is Friday after all. Have a good weekend, everyone.

1995 NFL Mail Bag: The Los Angeles Rams

One of the things that makes you feel old is when you sift through your old mail to find indicators of the past. This can take many forms: friends you no longer talk to, relatives who are no longer living, middle school teachers you no longer see for 7th period social studies or, in some peculiar cases, sports franchises that no longer exist.

This brings us to the next team on my 1995 Mail Bag list: The Los Angeles Rams.

The fact that I even have mail from the Los Angeles Rams is pretty remarkable considering when I did this project. The postmark on the envelope is May 8, 1995, which must have been before the Rams pulled up stakes for St. Louis after a protracted legal battle with the NFL, but the Rams did indeed spend that fall in the Gateway City, where they still reside. I'm not sure how I managed to get this lucky, obscure pieces of NFL history are always fun to uncover, and in fact, I had entirely forgotten that the Rams were still in L.A. when I wrote all these letters.

Given that they were moving to St. Louis shortly after, something that made Tania Ganguli and the four other remaining Rams fans in southern California cry, my guess is they were doing their best to get rid of all the remaining stationary. As per wikipedia, the Rams had waned in importance on the L.A. sports scene and were seeking a way to bring value back to the franchise as they were unable to compete in their current home stadium of Anaheim. Interestingly, the Rams' move was blocked by several owners who chalked up their struggles to incompetent management rather than a bad market.

Somehow, I don't buy Frontiere's argument.

After all, it's Los Angeles. There are people there.

The Rams had flourished for nearly 50 years in the City of Angels, but late Rams owner Georgia Frontiere had developed something of a reputation for greed, and she wanted the money. Interestingly, the Rams nearly moved to Baltimore before Frontiere settled on her home city of St. Louis, which agreed to publicly fund a new Stadium. Of course there was a bizarre period before the TWA (now Edward Jones) Dome was built in which the Rams actually played at Busch Stadium, home of the Cardinals.

In any event, the greed of Frontiere doesn't seem all that crazy since the Rams didn't send me very much. Most teams didn't, but the Rams must have been in full conservation mode because all I got was a letter thanking me for my support which informed me that the opposite side had the 1995 Los Angeles Rams Price List, informing me of the great low prices that awaited for that year's merchandise.

To be fair, this may simply be the onslaught of inflation causing me to look retrospectively, but the prices really were pretty cheap. A gameday program was just $5. A team picture? $4. A totally sweet Rams pennant? That's just $3. At this point I would love to have that simply for kitsch value. Not enough that I'm going to go on eBay and buy one, but still, you get the point. There was some pretty fun stuff available, including the 1994 Cheerleader Poster which could be had for just $6. There is a whole treasure trove of 1995 L.A. Rams merchandise that was just waiting for my purchase, though they do note that the 1995 L.A. Rams Yearbook won't be available until October.

Of course, another way to say that is "it won't ever be available because the team will no longer exist".

The only thing missing from this list that I could really have wanted, would be a VHS Copy of the classic 1986 innuendo-filled pop song "Ram It", one of many outrageously bad music videos released by professional football teams in the mid-1980s.



Do you know how to Ram it?

Yes, I know what you're thinking. "Dave, that can't possibly be real. It's just too ridiculous." Well if you doubt its authenticity, don't worry. There's also a making of video.

Really, that is the only thing missing from this list. I know it was nine years earlier, but they must have had some copies of it buried somewhere in the team's Anaheim offices. Unfortunately, though, I instead would have had to settle for one of the $1 Rams decals. The only thing that seems overpriced really is the annual subscription to official L.A. Rams press releases, which runs a hefty $40. I'm not entirely sure why someone who wasn't already working for a major news organization would have wanted this, but considering that I now pay $20 a year for Time Magazine and $35 a year for Newsweek 15 years later, well, $40 seems a bit high, no? Perhaps more alarming is that anything I ordered, according to the list, would require 4-6 weeks for delivery.

Strangely enough, I think it would take considerably longer than that now.

1995 NFL Mail Bag: The New England Patriots

Some of you might remember a few posts ago when I mentioned my upcoming plan to write letters to every NFL, NHL, NBA and MLB team as well as Dick Cheney's uncanny marksmanship. Well, in addition to Cheney not being the only older politician to make us proud lately, you might also recall that this project was inspired by a similar letter campaign I made when I was nine years old to every NFL team.

Well last week I made a trip home to New Jersey where I did the all too exciting activity of filing my tax return. In addition to finding that I received half as much in my refund as expected -- to say nothing of what I owe New Jersey and New York -- I also uncovered a box with all the mail I received as a nine-year-old. Fifteen years later it's time to uncover it all and so every Friday, you can count on me showing you just how generous -- or cheap -- professional football teams were a decade and a half ago.

First up: The New England Patriots.

I'm going with the Pats first because after sending out my deluge of mail, New England was the first to actually respond. This became particularly memorable when my father picked me up from Sunday School at Temple Sinai in Summit, New Jersey, handing over the mail. In my haste to open it on the ride home I almost didn't notice when we were blindsided by a pregnant woman near the Short Hills train station.

Fun times.

Well, in case you're wondering, the Patriots sent me a copy of their "Sideline Report" Newsletter, as well as a handsome 1994 New England Patriots Media Guide. As a bonus the media guide features this hilarious older photo of Patriots owner Robert Kraft, who has gone from bumbling maniac to championship steward in just a short 15 years since I got my mail.

The rest of the media guide is fairly unexciting. If you've worked as a sportswriter before you know media guides are a treasure trove of useful information to beef up your stories, such as Drew Bledsoe's fourth-quarter touchdown passes against the Arizona Cardinals, to name one. Do these have any practical application? No. But we make you think they do.

The real fun, however, came from The Sideline Report, which featured several trips down memory lane in addition to one retrospectively ridiculous story after another. My personal favorite, aside from the Patriots' 35th Anniversary two-page spread (this year they celebrated 50), and the obligatory Sam Adams advertisement in the back (it is Boston after all) is probably this profile on Vincent Brown's physique, deemed by Muscle and Fitness Magazine to be the best in the NFL. Now looking at this photo, he is, indeed, in phenomenal shape. And knowing how clean weight training regimens were in the 1990s, I'm sure his physique, which the article calls "Lou Ferrigno-like", came about entirely naturally. At 6'2" 245 lbs and free of body fat, the article goes on to say, "Brown is proof positive that the body builders' credo can help professional athletes reach their full potential."

Body builders indeed.

Aside from the story on Brown, who has since coached in the NFL, the rest of the magazine featured several other gems. One that caught my eye was on Marty Moore, whom the Patriots selected with the last overall pick in the 1994 NFL Draft, a slot generally known as "Mr. Irrelevant". Moore became the first Mr. Irrelevant to play in a Super Bowl in 1996 and as the story boasts he is "Irrelevant No Moore". And of course we all remember Marty Moore, don't we?

What might really be the best bit in the magazine, aside from the totally sweet pullout Ben Coates poster, is an ad for the now defunct sportswear company Apex featuring Patriots coach Bill Parcells with the tag line, "You Can't Fake Patriotism". Don't get me wrong, I love Bill Parcells for leading the Giants to two Super Bowl titles, and his place as one of the greatest coaches in modern times is more than assured. But his penchant for jumping from one organization to another makes this more than a little ironic, no? Given the statement at the bottom of the ad, "You Can't Fake This", well, perhaps Apex should have tabbed a different spokesperson. Maybe they'd still be in business if they did.

That all more or less sums up the excitement of receiving mail from the New England Patriots in 1995. I find this all pretty remarkable since the franchise's fortunes have changed so dramatically since. At the time they had endured decades of struggle with one flukey Super Bowl appearance to their credit.

Now the Pats have five more Super Bowl appearances to their credit, three championships, and arguably one of the greatest teams ever assembled. Bizarre how this can change so quickly. If the Patriots felt like giving some of that winning touch to the U.S. hockey team today for its showdown with Finland in the semifinals, well, that would be nice. Finland is no cakewalk, but I still like the U.S.'s chances at gritting out a spot in Sunday's Gold Medal Game, where I suspect they'll be rematched with Canada.

Gulp.

Of course, I will continue to think about Olympic hockey primarily for the next few days because the snow is making it difficult to think of anything other than winter sports, though it is providing some surprising benefits. As well, the only other sports team that could distract me is the Mets, who are already apparently suffering from some hilarious injuries.

I'd rather think about something else for a little while. Olympic hockey is going to do the trick.

Why Don't The Knicks Just Trade The City Of New York?

Ah the strong, masculine sport of figure skating, thy name is Johnny Weir.

Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate figure skating, and I understand that it is, in fact, very very difficult to do. I even enjoy watching it from time to time, but what I can't understand is that with hundreds of millions of people watching you perform your triple salchows, this is what you chose to wear?

Really?

I have no sense for fashion -- I wore birkenstocks, cargo shorts and hockey jerseys for most of college -- but I can't possibly imagine anyone would find this attire appropriate for any situation whatsoever. Then again, I suppose I'm not one to judge if you want to look like a woman whose dress has just been ripped open or a worn out fur coat. Everyone makes their own choices. And I do realize that part of Weir's appeal is his flamboyant choice of vestments, but don't we think this is pushing it just a wee bit? Particularly since Men's Figure Skating outfits have been silly, but never quite this silly?

I suppose the only sillier thing is why I'm asking the question. I don't fault Weir for his choices. I just think his attire may take away attention from the actual artistry or technical proficiency of his performance. And after all, isn't that, you know, the point?

I suppose I ought not to get involved, particularly since I've been paying far more attention to skiing, snowboard cross, curling, short track and not surprisingly hockey. I was extremely dismayed last night at around 2 a.m., however, to find that RCN Cable is cutting off the last hockey game of the night in the middle of the third period to show infomercials. Last night in particular, when Slovakia and the Czech Republic was cut off despite playing the first watchable hockey game of the tournament was a ridiculous offense.

It's possible that there's a wider conspiracy here. So far Canada has done a decent job of owning the podium -- the host nation has won six medals including its first two golds on home soil -- but it wouldn't surprise me if the Canadians were trying to sweep hockey under the rug until their boys get to the medal round because they might be worried that people will find out the greatest Canadian isn't really Canadian anymore.



Then again, it could jut be crappy TV scheduling. Either way, I'm still getting to watch more Olympics coverage than I know what to do with. Of course getting to watch up to six channels of coverage from two different countries at a time at the office helps that, but I'm enjoying it despite the overstimulation.

Remarkably, the Games have distracted me from the fact that Pitchers and Catchers report to Mets camp today, which is either a blessing or a curse depending on how you feel. I haven't quite made up my mind yet, but the Mets actually playing baseball this year can't be the worst thing I've come across this week.

And speaking of bad ideas, the Knicks are apparently trying to trade everything but the kitchen sink to Houston for Tracy McGrady. I shouldn't really call it a bad idea. Acquiring McGrady's expiring contract would help clear out the cap even more for the NBA's 2010 Free Agent Extravaganza, and enable the 'Bockers to offer two max contracts and possibly turn this sinking Titanic around after a decade of futility. One would hope with that much space, New York can finally sign the pieces to become a winner again. Unfortunately, as this authentic video of the negotiations shows, well, the Rockets are asking for quite a bit.



Still, personally, with how bad this team is aside from David Lee and Danilo Gallinari, I can't really have a problem with any move that starts to clear away the rotten scraps. Bring it on. Houston may be extracting everything it can from Knicks GM Donnie Walsh, but I've seen bigger scams.

In other news, I will be putting my aforementioned letter writing project on hold until I have a chance to speak with a lawyer. While I'm excited to see what it turns up, a rudimentary bit of investigating revealed that it might constitute mail fraud. Until I have that straightened out, I will be waiting to get the ball rolling. I'm sure it's too small a case to ever be prosecuted -- there are far bigger frauds out there -- but it only makes sense to proceed cautiously.

Before I close shop today, I thought I would send a sentimental note out there to all my friends who are Yankees fans. I've never been a huge fan of Yankee Stadium (I), and I've often found talk of the ghosts and tradition of it to be a little silly ever since the building was renovated in the 1970s, but as I did spend a number of nights in my teenage years at the House that Ruth Built, it was a bit sad to see these pictures last night, showing that even the most hallowed and beloved of Stadiums eventually meet their end. We probably should have all expected to see Yankee Stadium torn down, but it doesn't make the images any less significant.

Lastly, I would like to extend a hearty thanks to the unsinkable Molly Turner of Kansas City, Missouri, who along with Susie Sharkey, may have single-handedly tripled my reader base -- at least for a day -- by publicizing Monday's story about my trip to see the Kansas City Royals. My hits across the flyover states saw an absolutely staggering increase, and while I don't expect the readers to keep coming without my mentioning their favorite city, if they do, well, I owe Molly and Susie a drink. Possibly two.

Enjoy tonight's Olympic coverage. And if you're not a Mets fan, enjoy the baseball, too.

A New Project Is In The Works And You Could Be A Part Of It

It's been a momentous week here at ARWSMDAS, and no, not just because we're busy celebrating the fourth anniversary of one of the most hilarious political episodes of our time -- though I do hope that I, one day, can have enough power that I can put someone in mortal danger and have them apologize to me.

No, it's been a big week because Bert and I headed down to Philadelphia on Monday for the Devils-Flyers game at Wachovia, where, in addition to finding out that we're both apparently gay, I was able to cross the Flyers off my list. The Devils blew a two-goal lead to their hated rivals, which was frustrating, but I did manage to get some good fodder and Bert and I were able to sit in the fourth row behind the Devils bench until the people who actually owned the seats showed up in the second period.

Why you would wait until the second period to show up when you've spent $200 on each ticket I can't say, but I won't judge.

In any event, there are just 91 teams left and I will have a story on the trip up as soon as I've written it, though that, um, could be a while. But surely you'll all still be on the lookout for it... right?

The other big story is that I'm considering a new side project. As I told Bert during the drive down, when I was 10 years old or so, I decided to write letters to every team in the NFL -- at the time there were only 30 -- just to see what I got back. I was particularly shameless in asking for anything free and autographs of star players, but I was a ten year old. Who was going to hold it against me?

I have all of my responses in a box somewhere and I need to go to my house in New Jersey to dig it up, but I did get a litany of media guides, newsletters, invitations to team-specific kids clubs and schedule magnets. I remember the Jets, in particular, being awfully giving. As far as autographs go, some teams require you to go through the player himself, which I did, in many cases make the steps to do, also shamelessly. The only two I remember receiving were from former Seattle Seahawks running back Chris Warren and Bills and Packers receiver Don Beebe, who despite being a very solid No. 2 receiver for most of his career, is probably best remembered for making Leon Lett look like a total fool when he prematurely celebrated a touchdown in Super Bowl XXVII.

Don Beebe's response I personally cherish mostly because he sent his autograph to me in a hand addressed envelope which had my name as the return address and no stamp. I know Beebe wasn't a superstar, but I feel like he could have afforded what was, I believe at the time, the 32-cent stamp on his salary.

The best part? The autograph was on a pamphlet that Beebe is on the cover of about following the light of Jesus. I feel like there was a disconnect there.

In any event, after discussing this with Bert on the long car ride, I decided that 15 years later, it might be an interesting idea to do the whole project over again to see what teams are sending out now. In fact, I may do it every 10 years or so just to see what changes. Only this time, rather than just the NFL, I think I might write to every team in the NFL, NBA, NHL and MLB.

Bert wants it to be abundantly clear that he initially came up with the idea to re-do the process, but until he starts paying for postage he gets no credit.

The results may not be as exciting as this morning's Bruins-Lightning Preview, but I think it would be very interesting to see what materials I get back and I will post them up here as they come along. The only catch is that since I work in the industry, I don't think I should use my actual name, particularly since I have worked with some people who may be in charge of handling the letters.

This is where you all come in. I want this blog to have a relationship with its readers and I want some feedback from the readers. As well, I want you all to feel like you're participating in the journey. So, for this particular project, I would like submissions for what I should say to teams and, in particular, what pseudonym I should be using.

Please feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an e-mail with ideas.

Lastly, and on a note of personal pride, this week's story on my early exposure to the NHL and my fandom for the New Jersey Devils has drawn enough visitors to put me over the 1,000-hit mark. I know 1,000 hits isn't a particularly huge milestone, but since I just started this a month ago, I think it's a pretty good start.

With any luck this project will continue to grow and the next 1,000 will come even quicker.