I'm Forcing Myself To See Parallels

Think back, if you can, into the past. To the way, way back year of "2007", when men were men, Weeds was having its best season and Twitter was a mystery to most of the world. Specifically think back to October 1, 2007, when a much maligned New York Giants team beat up on the Eagles on Sunday Night Football to the tune of a 16-3 win, the highlight being Osi Umenyiora's team-record six sacks as the G-Men piled up 12 in total. The game brought the Giants to 2-2. That same day, if you recall, a brutally painful Mets season was put to rest as they completed their first of two major collapses on the last day of the regular season. To cheer me up for having now-useless playoff tickets, the Mets sent me an apologetic e-mail promising changes.

And now lets fast-forward to last night. The Mets, once again, had polished off another bitter year early in the day, which prompted yet another apologetic e-mail -- though this one was due to ineptitude rather than heartbreak -- and the Giants, were set to face the Bears on Sunday Night Football. These same Giants, coming off two straight losses, have been heavily criticized and left for dead with even former players claiming Tom Coughlin doesn't have his house in order. The result? Another sack-crazy win, as the Giants whupped on the Bears, 17-3, with 10 sacks and two knocked-out Chicago quarterbacks. The defense was almost dominant enough to distract you from the fact that both offenses were completely discombobulated and that it was, possibly, the worst played football game ever played by two teams in the NFL.

And now the Giants are 2-2.

If you recall, in 2007 the Giants did fairly well after that victory, jumping up to 6-2 before, you know, winning the fucking Super Bowl. If you put the pieces together, these very, very vague bits of circumstantial point to one piece of irrefutable truth.

The New York Giants are going to win the Super Bowl this year. Juuuuuust wait for it.

So yeah, I'm also back from Minnesota, which was a pretty sweet experience. I had never really spent much time in downtown Minneapolis, but I found it to be a very pretty, if unexciting area. I don't really blame it for this. The downtown area is mostly for business and not for fun, after all. But it does feature a totally sweet statue of Mary Tyler Moore. Because yes, she did make it after all. Shockingly, however, having my world turned on with her smile wasn't the highlight of the jaunt. That, obviously, was the hour or so I spent meticulously scoping out the awesomeness that is Target Field. That stadium was just one of many that I decided to waste hours checking out during the weekend, but it was almost certainly my favorite. It's an interesting break with the popular retro stadium architecture, giving a design that is modern and yet also totally fucking awesome. It also manages to pull off a feat only matched so far by the San Francisco Giants at AT&T Park in that the entire place is completely infused with franchise history in an amazing way. The pavilion in front of the main center field gate includes goodies like a list of franchise Gold Glove Winners, a pennant for each member of the Twins Hall of Fame, a pennant for each season's outcome and some totally awesome statues of Calvin Griffith, Kirby Puckett, Rod Carew and Harmon Killebrew.

A full report on Target Field and the weekend in general will come.... at some point. But it's worth mentioning that my trek also brought me to the extremely dull looking Metrodome, and the totally sweet stadiums on the campus of the University of Minnesota -- in particular TCF Bank Stadium, which is absurdly awesome. That stadium was, of course, the main reason that I chose this weekend to make my trek, as I got to watch the Northwestern Wildcats give me an aneurysm en route to a 29-28 win over the Golden Gophers. It's unusual to see such a new college football stadium built on such a scale in that traditional retro-brick style. And even if the University of Minnesota is terrible at football this year -- though they certainly gave us a scare -- at the very least they get to go to what is easily the best college football stadium I've seen. It just squeaks past Camp Randall in Madison, Wisconsin and Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City.

More than anything, going to the game -- and checking out the greatest anti-drinking campaign ever -- made me wish I was back in college. Because who wouldn't want that?

All of Minnesota's stadiums are particularly pretty, and they're all in the same complex, which goes to highlight one of the more underrated college campuses I've come across. The basketball stadium, Williams Arena, A.K.A. The Barn, which happens to be my favorite building in American sports, sits right across from TCF Bank Stadium, and Mariucci Arena, home to Gopher hockey is in a similar style right next door. All of the stadiums are wonderful buildings to check out, and at the very least, they help you forget about the fact that you stayed up until 2 a.m. watching a total dud of a Grand Final replay.

And surely all of you have those problems, right? Yeah, just what I thought.

So there you go. There's more information to tell and at some point I'll write up a more formal review, but in the interim I'll leave you with that. If you ever have the chance to see a game at the University of Minnesota, take it.

And if you can get good odds on the Giants winning Super Bowl XLV, throw your life savings at it. It's money in the bank, right there.

NFL Picks Week Four: In Which I Travel To Beautiful Minnesnowta

Don't worry. It'll only be October when I set foot in the great state of Minnesota this weekend so snow seems highly unlikely, though Saturday night's predicted low of 33 degrees does bring it within the realm of possibility. I suppose bringing my Northwestern hooded sweatshirt will now seem necessary.

Regardless of the weather, however, I'm awfully excited for the next trip in my journey, which, given how annoyed I am that Gary Ablett (The Genius!) showed up Friday night's Grand Final replay by announcing that he's taking his considerable footy skills up to the new Gold Coast club, is coming at just the right time. Seriously, what kind of economic system allows an expansion team to poach the best player in the league? It would be as if a new NFL team was allowed to offer a huge contract offer to Peyton Manning. And it's patently absurd.

I'm late to the Aussie Rules fandom bandwagon, but it's still a shame that my chosen team won't be seeing plays like this or like this from the best player on the ground anymore. At least I can take some solace in the fact that he's only 14 months older than me and he's already lost all of his hair.

But I digress. I only hope Geelong doesn't wind up experiencing the precipitous downfall Southampton FC did when I started following the Saints in 2002.

I'M NOW DONE TALKING ABOUT AUSSIE RULES. YOU CAN START READING AGAIN.

So yes. I'm going to Minnesota this weekend which I am enormously excited for. Now when I originally booked this trip I noticed that it would take me through the final weekend of baseball's regular season, and that it might possibly cause me to miss some crucial Mets games as they came through the final drive of the pennant race.

Man, what a hoot that idea was, huh?

Well, fortunately for me, the Mets dramatic fall from grace this season, replete with all the zany scandals, disappointing free agent signings, dubious player behavior and curious personnel decisions, is just about done. And it doesn't look like I'll be watching any of it. That may be just as well. The 2010 season has proven to be nearly as frustrating and disappointing as any of the last three were, with the team falling in a matter of weeks from potential dark horse to complete punch line. Literally.










As it stands, I will likely be missing a three-game collapse that will spell the end of Jerry Manuel's managerial tenure and, in all likelihood, the Omar Minaya era. The results of that era have been mixed to be sure, but what could have been a prosperous run that should have included a World Series win in 2006 -- or at least an appearance -- will instead likely be remembered for frustrating free agent signings and remarkable collapses down the stretch in 2007 and 2008.

Fortunately, I'll be in Minnesota and missing the end of that gong show. And that isn't the only reason to be excited for my trip to the North Star State. For one I'll be seeing my good friend Litterman. For another, I'll be seeing beautiful new Target Field on Friday night, where the Minnesota Twins will send Carl Pavano to the hill in a bit of postseason preparation against the Toronto Blue Jays. Originally I had been hoping the Chicago White Sox would keep the AL Central race close enough that the Twins might have a chance to clinch the division title while I was in the stands. Unfortunately, Minnesota's been too damn good since the All-Star Break and that hope went out the window. Instead I'll have to explore and appreciate the stadium with little regard for the action on the field since it's essentially meaningless.

Still, I'm excited. This trip will mark team No. 36 as my long, arduous journey continues forging forward from one stop til the next. Besides, I'll get to ask the locals if they're actually already ramping up for the inevitable need to find a new home for the Twins a few decades from now.

The other major stop of the weekend will be at the University of Minnesota, where the Gophers will be playing one Northwestern University. As NU shoots to start the season 5-0. While this a normal brand of excitement all in and of itself, the game has an added bonus in that it will a) be the first time I've seen my Wildcats in person in three years, which is much too long, and b) it will be at Minnesota's TCF Bank Stadium, which, while a few years old, is supposed to be a tremendous facility, or at least as good as a college team can hope for this day and age. All in all, I should have a pretty fun 50 hours in Minneapolis.

Plus, it'll keep my mind off that disaster the Giants were involved in on Sunday afternoon last week. And no, disaster isn't too dramatic a description. But speaking of the NFL, disasters and me...

Last week: 6-10-0
Season: 19-25-4

NY GIANTS (-4) over Chicago***
ATLANTA (-7) over San Francisco
NY Jets (-6) over BUFFALO
Cincinnati (-4) over CLEVELAND
GREEN BAY (-15) over Detroit
TENNESSEE (-7) over Denver
ST. LOUIS (+2) over Seattle
Carolina (+14) over NEW ORLEANS
Baltimore (+2) over PITTSBURGH
Houston (-4) over OAKLAND
Indianapolis (-9) over JACKSONVILLE
Washington (+7) over PHILADELPHIA
SAN DIEGO (-9) over Arizona
New England (-1) over MIAMI

And there you have it kids. When I return Sunday night I will be ready to watch the Giants fluster me again, and I will be one step closer to the end of the line. Minnesota here I come.

***I will never learn.